Celebration of Life & Headstone Reveal

A Few Favorite Jokes from Mark

As shared by long time best friend Sam Friedman

The Shaggy Dog Story

Mark loved to tell long story jokes, aka The Shaggy Dog 

A man was sitting at a bar by himself quietly enjoying a drink. Every time he looked up, he saw a very attractive woman smiling at him. He was kind of a shy guy but, eventually he decided he would go over and sit down next to her. Hi he said. It’s pretty lonely at this big empty bar and I thought maybe you would like to have someone to chat with. She turns and looks at him, and in a loud voice says, “HOTEL!!?”. The man was stunned, turned away and as he walked back to the other end of the bar, he could feel the uneasy stares of other patrons in the room. Wow! That experience called for another drink, and perhaps feeling more remorse than hurt, he got up the courage to go back and sit next to her again. I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea, he said. I’m just feeling that it would be nice to talk for a bit, nothing else. So sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. “HOTEL!?!” she yelled even louder. Quickly he hopped off the bar stool and made a beeline back to the other end. The bartender glared at him and said, you bother the lady one more time and you will be eighty-sixed. Now he needed a third drink, and while contemplating how badly the evening had gone wondered about becoming a monk. But all of a sudden, the woman was now sitting next to him! I’m sorry if I’ve given you a rough night and you do deserve an explanation of my reaction. I’m a sociology student and was given an assignment to evaluate people’s reactions to embarrassing situations. I know I made you uncomfortable but hope you will forgive me and want you to know it was a great help for me to complete my assignment. He turns and looks at her, and in a loud voice says “FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!?!, and then quickly walks out the door.

As an aside, when Mark told me this joke in the late sixties, the punch line was “FIFTY DOLLARS!?! That amount today would not fit as a punch line so I “inflated” it 😊. 

The Pun

If you knew Mark, you knew that he loved puns. This is the master of all puns and a story too.

San Diego SeaWorld has long been known for their dolphin shows. Since it takes lots of time and money to train the dolphins, it was decided to see what might extend their life and performing expectancy. Interestingly, preliminary research showed that precisely timed feeding of mynah birds to dolphins was a promising treatment.

One of the researchers picked up a mynah bird and headed off to the dolphin facility for a planned 2:00 PM feeding. Meanwhile, a lion had escaped from the San Diego Wild Animal Park and had decided to take a nap right in front of the entrance to the dolphin facility. The researcher came across the lion and was in a quandary. He had to get past the lion for the timely feeding or the research would be jeopardized. So he decided to very quietly step over the lion. As he did, a policeman saw the researcher and arrested him. The crime?  Transporting a mynah across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.  

This joke too may be outdated. If the punch line is obtuse, do a search on “Mann Act of 1910”.

The Shorter Simple Joke

Less common for Mark to tell, but he still had a good stash of them.

A spy landed in a foreign country with an address of his inside contact. His instructions were to greet his contact with the phase “You can't trust the weatherman, not in the summer.” The contact would verify by replying “It's good it will be autumn soon, then.” He knew the contact’s name only as R. Schultz. The address led him to a three story building. However, when checking the building’s mailbox, he noted there was an R. Schultz on the first floor, and an R. Schultz on the third floor. The spy decided that his contact would live on the first floor in order to make a quick getaway if necessary. So he knocked on the door, and when answered by a man he said, “You can't trust the weatherman, not in the summer.” Oh, said the man, I’m R. Schultz the tailor, you want R. Schultz the spy who lives on the third floor.